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Extravaganza – 5 Days Left

My Extravaganza! <5 Days Left>
(12.13.2003, 6PM, 3900 Chestnut St.)

The teams: //

Since Rob put a funny flash movie on his site, i will have to do the same. this one is funnier though: //

Don’t just read my Xanga, comment on it too, f*ckers. Tell me how f*cking funny I am!

As we approach the day of my extravaganza (thats right I’m giving extra Vaganza–what a deal), a celebration of that most blessed of days, my birth, I thought i’d make things easier on you with this next entry.

So…here are things both girls and boys can write in my birthday card (hey, offers are flattering. No, I’m not gay.)

Jamie, you stride the world like a colossus.

Jamie, will you marry me?

Jamie, you are the alpha and the omega.

Jamie, I want to start a cult in your honor. I shall call it Jamieism and we’ll sacrifice chicken heads to you on alters drenched with blood.

Jamie, the combined attributes of the depth of your heart and your raw hotness are only surpassed by the fiery bowels of the Earth.

Jamie, please seed my first child (I don’t know if this could work for a boy; I wouldn’t want to try.)

Jamie, remember that time we were playing Mario Bros, and I climbed that beanstalk? I wish I had been climbing you.

Jamie, when I think of how smart you are, it makes me want to drop you into a meat grinder and process you into sausage links. I could resell you at a huge markup and call my product, Intello-Links–guaranteed to increase one’s intelligence. Then, I’d start a software firm by the same name and get rich. I’d hang your portrait in the lobby.

Jamie, how about a threesome?

Jamie, at first I thought ?????????? was kind of a gay screenname–then, I started to get to know you and I was like, ‘Chyeah! He is the asian angel!’

Jamie, when I think of you, it makes me want to pee.

Jamie, when I think of you, I need to grab a fistful of tissues.

Jamie, I dreamt of you once as Captain of the Enterprise. Not the original, but Jean-Luc’s Galaxy class. Remeber the episode where he was assimilated by the borg? I wouldn’t want that to happen to you.

Jamie, I need a sample of your sperm. I already have Tony’s, and by recombinating the two specimens and fertilizing a donated egg, I can create a race of super-intelligent Asian women with huge breasts.

Jamie, you’re the true ubernerd. It’s like they amputated and harvested parts from lesser nerds to build you. You’re like Dr. Frankenerd’s Monster.

And the best thing someone can write….

Jamie, I love you.